Empathy is when we understand another person’s point of view or feelings, as the saying goes, we put ourselves “in their shoes”.
But, when does empathy go bad? In other words, we can turn empathy on ourselves and assume something that is not there.
Empathy is a trait we can all learn and apply to how we treat ourselves and others.
Putting ourselves in others’ shoes will help us understand their perspectives and what they are going through.
When we think we know what the other person is feeling we are not treating them with empathy, we are veering on the side of projection, which becomes the flipside of empathy.
If we think we know how someone is feeling or thinking it is our responsibility to check in with ourselves whether or not this is true.
Why do we think they feel or think that way?
Is our perception rooted in our insecurity that we are not acknowledging?
The most basic example can be if we think someone is upset with us, and then we act in a way to compensate and make sure they are not upset, assuming it is about us, that we did something wrong.
Instead of putting ourselves in their shoes, understanding where they are coming from, we automatically turn it on ourselves and project our worry onto them.
The truth is, they probably had a bad day and do not feel like talking or engaging with anyone.
It is up to us to question why we feel or think the other person is upset with us.
Ask yourself: Am I projecting onto someone else? Am I worried about someone else’s feelings? What feelings or thoughts in me am I not addressing?