Part of learning to treat ourselves better is to practice honesty with ourselves and others.
It means to learn healthy communication techniques and healing manipulation and passive-aggressive behaviors.
It is not easy, especially if we experienced trauma of any kind growing up or when our needs weren’t met in healthy ways.
We all know the term underhanded, it means something along the lines of dodgy, sly, dishonest, sneaky, you get the idea.
So what do underhanded emotions mean and how is it possible to “deal” with them?
Let me use an example, when you talk with someone or request something, usually from a friend, colleague, or family member, what is your underlying intention?
What do you want from others?
Say you request something from them or you get to talking about a topic and you start voicing your opinions in a way where you want to be heard or you want to get a point across because maybe you feel that person needs to hear it or you are trying to hint to them about something that bothers you.
Maybe you are too afraid to say that this is important to you and so you feel you need to walk on eggshells to request something of them so you start a whole long story and go all the way around the subject.
The underlying desire to be heard or to make a point in an indirect way is a clue to what your intentions are, and in a way, it is also pointing to fear of expressing yourself.
This can be done in thousands of different ways and the circumstances are always different for everyone.
This fear of expressing yourself leads to a form of emotional manipulation.
Are you dealing in underhanded emotions because of your fear to express the truth in your head and your heart?
Are you being sly with your emotions?
Are you dealing in underhanded emotions because you don’t really know another way?
Are you being emotionally sneaky?
Maybe this is how you grew up and what was modeled to you, and maybe you are not even aware of it.
The best thing to do is to ask yourself, what do you really want from this person or from this interaction?
Why are you saying what you are saying?
What meaning do you want to communicate?
What do you want the other person to know?
How can you say or request something in a more direct and open manner versus a sneaky and fearful manner?
Is there a situation in your life right now that you would like to change the way you communicate in?
It is important that you don’t treat yourself harshly, the intention to communicate in healthier ways is the first step.
Take it easy and understand the context in which you feel you need to communicate the way you do and from there you can start taking steps for change.